New Years Resolutions, do I hear you ask? Nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

That's about it. One good thing about New Year though, is that it is also my birthday which has some advantages.

1. I can usually work out how old I am in exact years, months and days.

2. I always seem to have a public holiday on my birthday.

3. I always get fireworks.

4. People remember your birthday more easily than other "standard" days such as May 13th.

5. In my younger days I got one kiss for the New Year and one for my birthday!

Things that suck about having a birthday around this time of year:

1. Sometimes I feel a little seedy on the day as do others.

2. When I was a kid, Christmas and birthday presents were "combined" by my skinflint relatives. A person who has his birthday at Christmas also has the same dilemma.

3. A lot of things are closed, so going out can be a hassle.

Today, though, I reach an important milestone, especially in Sweden, where this birthay is one of THE BIG ONES. Can it be true.......





Fifty years is such a long time. I've had all this time to develop a skill, to find my niche, to strike it rich or even to assassinate a world leader. How long do I have left to accomplish these things? What is midlife these days, anyway? 40? 45? 35? Have I missed my window of opportunity for a midlife crisis? I could have gone out and bought a convertible or picked up a toy-boy.

So, what have I done with the 50 years for which I've graced the earth so far?

No, that's a bit boring. Better yet, what haven't I done?

In 50 years:

I still have not improved upon my housecleaning skills.
I haven't discovered, invented or created anything. Pre-school clay ashtrays do not count as creations.
I haven't travelled on the Orient Express.
I have yet to kill anyone despite my constant braggings that I will.
I have never been arrested. I suppose that's a good thing. (that's not to say I've never been in handcuffs).

I've never been introduced to a pizza that I didn't like.
I've never grown past 5'6".
I never bungee jumped or skydived or participated in a daring, dangerous sport.
I never played on an organised sport team.
I never made an assassination attempt on a world leader. Not even to please a person I was stalking.
I never dived off from the high diving board.
I never tried to get rid of my procrastination problem.
I never locked my sisters in a cupboard. I still owe them that one.
I was never sold to the gypsies like my mother said I would be one day.
I never turned down an offer of a free drink.

But mostly, in 50 years, I have never grown up.

That's a good thing, right?